Secrets

I've been thinking a lot about secrets and privacy lately. Maybe the exposure of political campaigns brings that about, the way in which candidates' lives are scrutinized. I imagine we all have secrets, things that we have never told anyone. Wasn't there some big project recently where people could send anonymous postcards with their secrets written on them to some guy? I think he published a book of them. Are secrets a good thing? Should there be some things that we keep only to ourselves?

I guess most secrets are things we are ashamed of, or maybe afraid of. Things that we have done or felt that, we fear, if others knew would change their feelings or opinions towards us. But what one of us might find very embarrassing or shameful, others might find humorous or interesting. The problem is, we don't know unless we tell. And if we guess wrong, we are in trouble.

Then there are secrets that we might keep from some people, but not others. When I was getting ready to interview for academic jobs I was given the advice by one senior female faculty member to hide the fact that I was married. I couldn't imagine how I could interview for 1-2 days and never mention my husband. I have a friend who's mother is coming for a visit, to sort of cheer her up a little after a tough time. The mother doesn't want her other daughter to know that she is coming, she's afraid that the other daughter would be jealous. How could you keep that secret? Is it worth it?

Do we keep secrets to protect others or protect ourselves? Are we trying to keep information from someone that would be hurt by that truth, and how do we know? Doctors used to keep terminal diagnoses from patients, thinking that the patient should keep a positive attitude. But what about the need to prepare for death?

So, how do we decide what to tell others? What secrets do you have?