Time in a bottle...

Remember the song, "Time in a Bottle"?  Recorded shortly before Jim Croce died in a plane crash, it was a big hit towards the end of my high school years.  The song speaks of the wish to have more time and the joy of having found someone with whom you would like to spend every minute of life.  Written as a love song to his wife, it seems prescient of him when your realize that only a few years later he would die tragically.

I think of the term slightly differently, though.  There are moments of my life that I would like to hold in my heart forever; days, hours, minutes that I would like to freeze in time. I sometimes look up and think, "This is good."

I have my share of disappointments.  Shattered dreams, dashed hopes, days of confusion and despair.  But, I have moments like today, with my sons at the table laughing and joking.

It is a day for filling bottles.

                                              

Leaving things behind

I once read a travel advice column that advised packing old underwear when you go on vacation and then throwing the underwear away, giving you extra room in your suitcase for the trip home.  I guess this could be useful advice, but underwear doesn't take up that much room and, if you travel often, won't be much help unless you are buying a lot of new underwear.

I've spent the last few days at a conference and am packing my suitcase. I'm bringing home all my underwear, but the program book, the random handouts and brochures, my badge, even the complimentary conference tote bag will be staying in my hotel room.  I can easily leave them behind.

There is a great song by Nanci Griffith, Things I Don't Need.  The refrain goes,

These things I don't need that weigh me down
Things I don't want but still keep around
I woke up today and made up my mind
From now on I'll leave all those things I don't need behind

It makes me think of what gets left behind on a journey. Of course you leave money, and some other material possessions.  But what else?  It seems you can leave things you no longer need, things you may have found have outlived their usefulness in your life.  Old thoughts, old habits, old feelings. But, maybe sometimes, you have to leave behind things you will miss.  Old relationships, old security objects, old desires and wishes.  Not everything that gets left is as simple as discarded underwear, some things you leave are harder to let go of, harder to see as burdens.  And maybe they aren't burdens, maybe they are joys and hopes and wishes and safety.  And maybe you still have to leave them.  And it will be sad.

Mist

Every now and then most of us experience a mist of melancholy settling over our lives.  The cause may be obvious, but more often the reason is unidentifiable.  When it happens we are annoyed, but not disabled. We carry on, do our jobs, go to lunch, sweep the floor.  But everything feels a bit less; less happy, but less sad, too.  Life is less important.  Does anything really matter?

If we are lucky we have learned the strategies for misty lives--talking, writing, walking, meditating.  But more or less the answer is to wait. We wait it out patiently, or impatiently, but waiting nonetheless.





                                                 

Classics

I was at the grocery store yesterday, mentally calculating the cost of my purchases, when I happened to glance at the candy rack.  Now, I am pretty traditional when it comes to candy. Hershey's with almonds is my go to favorite.  Milky Ways are too creamy, Snickers too sweet, and while I like peanut butter and chocolate, for some reason the combination is not appealing, ruling out the Reese's cups.  There is something about the combination of almonds and chocolate, though, that balances the sweetness and crunch in just the right way.  I usually take a bite, carefully not biting around an almond, and let the chocolate melt in my mouth until I'm left with a whole almond....

I knew our store had a few "no candy" checkout lanes, and I've been through the "international candy" lane before. But, yesterday I must have wandered into the "classic candy" aisle, a place I didn't know existed.  There, nestled in its wire rack, was a stack of Bun candies.  I can't really call them bars, because they're round....sort of.


Bun candies come in three flavors, vanilla, caramel, and maple.  They have a flavored center and are covered in chocolate and peanuts.  My mother used to eat Bun candies, I think the maple flavor was her favorite.  As a kid, I wasn't that fond of them, maybe that is why she preferred them--no competition!  Along with the Bun candies were Mallow cups, Charleston Chews, Beeman's gum, Coconut slices, and Chuckles.

Standing there, with my cell phone, credit cards, and cart full of food, I felt like I was 4 years old again, crying because my sisters each had 2 nickles and I had only 1 dime.  And only my Mom could make it better.

I reached over to the rack, picked up a Bun candy, and carefully set it on the conveyor.