Being in the Middle

I had lunch today with an old friend...that is "old" as in age, not in the length of our friendship.  Bill has memory problems and although we've had lunch together nearly every week for a couple of years, he doesn't clearly know me anymore. Our conversations drift along, meandering through his memories of growing up, playing in the park, spending summers at the shore. One thing he loves to talk about is helping his father who was a tree surgeon. Bill remarks on how fearless he was as a boy, climbing "200 feet or more" up a tree. (I have to admit, it is only recently that I realized how improbable that height is.  I guess he is making the point that it was "high.")  Today that comment took us on a conversational trip through phobias.  He shared that he had no fears--not of heights, spiders, mice, water, enclosed spaces.  I could not name a fear he would claim.

When I revealed that I wasn't so much afraid of height as of "edges,"  he laughed, shook his head, and said, "Chris, that is weird!"  I tried to explain that I didn't mind climbing a ladder, even looking down, but I didn't like crossing bridges. I told him that when you cross a bridge you might fall off the edge. I didn't mind being high, I was afraid of falling. That may sound like a fine distinction, but seems to be an important one to me.

There is a songwriter, Cheryl Wheeler, who wrote that she didn't live in the Midwest because she didn't like "being in the middle."  She went on to write a whole song about her desire to be at the edge, always having one side free.  There is excitement at the edges, that rush of adrenaline, and some thrive there and search out more and more boundaries to cross. I like to visit the edge, step up and peer over.  Sometimes the risk of a fall is worth it.  But, living at the edge can wear you out, I know that as a certainty.  And there is a lot of work to be done in the middle, too, many discoveries to be made and adventures to seek.


One Side Free...Cheryl Wheeler
......
I am living on the coast
'cause it's the edges I like most
I don't know, it's just my style
Always sitting on the aisle.
.........