Book group narratives

Okay, I'm a few pages further in my book on narrative gerontology, it's been a busy week.

Today's topic was a continued  discussion of the importance of the narrative environment.  The authors discuss macro and micro environments.  How our stories are shaped by our culture, our religion, our gender, and our politics. The "master narratives" of our lives. But also how our narratives vary within those realms.  I certainly noticed how the narrative environment of academic administration differed from that of the academic faculty.  Many of the problems between faculty and administrators, I think, can be traced to differences in narrative.

I was very interested in comments about friendships.  Some years ago I read a great book, "Necessary Losses" by Judith Viorst. I was familiar with her more personal essays and memoirs, but this book is an accessible introduction to the principles of psychotherapy.  In one chapter she discusses friendships and the notion that we have "friends in spots."  That no one friendship provides all that we need or want in a relationship. Some friends are good for discussing issues around work, others are good for discussing family. Some friends are mostly there for fun and entertainment, with others we share more intimate details.

I was really struck by another part of Viorst’s book, the idea that friendships help us grow. She wrote that “growth demands relatedness and that intimacy produces continuing growth throughout our life because being known affirms and strengthens the self.” I liked the quote from Buber she uses, “Through the Thou a man becomes I.” Friends all add different elements to our lives, but through each of those encounters a different part of ourselves gets “opened up” or exercised.

Our friendships are also narratives, conversations. As Randall and McKim say in "Reading Our Lives," each friendship "develops its own brand of narrative environment, its own rules of engagement, its own codes for talking and listening, for sharing and withholding...Between the story of me and the story of thee is the story of us."  (Why is it we revert to old English when we want to talk about something REALLY IMPORTANT?)  Our friends become coauthors of our lives, and we of theirs.  At any time there are storylines about them and their lives swirling around inside of our heads.  "Narratively speaking, our lives are intertwined."

Sitting with my book group last night, our discussion found its way to books we have read together in the past. It is interesting to think about how our discussion of narratives becomes part of our narrative lives, individually and collectively.