Right Speech

I am not a Buddhist. I've dabbled in meditation, try to practice mindfulness, and believe in our spiritual connections to the natural world. Lately, I've been reading and thinking a lot about Alzheimer's Disease. My mother in law has some type of dementia as does a good friend. Interacting with people with AD requires that you develop a different perspective on life, meaning, and personhood. Well, I shouldn't say it "requires" that new perspective, in me it has awakened a new way of thinking.

I ran across a great article about spirituality and dementia the other day. It was written 10 years ago, but I had never seen it.

www.crosscurrents.org/webb.htm

In the article there is a discussion about the Buddhist principle of "right speech." As usually described, right speech means not lying, not being mean in your words. But, in a broader sense, it is about thinking how your words will affect another. Will they cause harm? Will they be beneficial? We are taught from a young age to tell the truth. In dealing with someone with Alzheimers, however, truth is a funny concept. If a person cannot comprehend their location in time, is it a truth to correct them when they think you are their sister instead of their daughter? That is a truth to you, but not to them. It has no meaning to them. Webb argues, in her article, that as caregivers we need to enter into the reality of the AD patient. Think about what is true for them at that moment.

Someone with AD needs to be treated with compassion, but not pity. There are still faculties that they retain, particularly the ability to feel, to have emotions. They may express those in ways that seem foreign to us, that seem out of place or out of context. But, if we try to see where they are, we might gain insight into what they need or are offering to us.

Mindfulness is another Buddhist concept, the ability to be totally in the present, open to the experiences and feelings of the moment. We don't hang on to them, we don't try to predict what will come next, we experience each moment as its own. Right speech is a way to be mindful, to think about the moment, the present. If our words are kind and compassionate, they will be "right." Not a bad idea to put into practice in all of our relationships.