Aging

I read an interesting commentary the other day about aging. The author's argument was that we can't really understand old age if we aren't old. That isn't exactly what he said, but that is my impression. Brown argues that as we age we look at age differently. I certainly understand that idea. When I was a kid at summer camp I thought the camp counselors, college students, were so old, wise, and responsible. When I became a camp counselor myself I couldn't believe that people were trusting us to care for their kids all week!

Now in my 50s I feel that this isn't a very old age at all. I have a lot of life ahead of me. Brown, in his article, points out that people in their 80s and 90s feel much the same way. They aren't thinking about the end of life on a daily basis, they are just living. In sociology and gerontology we talk about the importance of socialization and learning age appropriate roles from the generations ahead of us. We learn how to be parents partly by observing our parents--their triumphs and mistakes. Similarly, we learn how to be "old" by watching those who are older than us. If we are lucky (in my opinion) we have role models of engaged, active, happy people who can serve as models.

Still, we often bring our preconceived notions to our interactions with older people. Brown talks about meeting an older woman who has just lost her husband. Assuming that she must be grief stricken, he makes a sympathetic comment. He is surprised when she replies that she is in "Heaven," she has a freedom and lightness that she lacked when he was alive. I'm impressed with her ability to be so honest. How many spouses might feel that mixture of release and grief at the death of their partner? Is Brown's assumption one about age or about marriage? I can remember my husband's grandmother's sense of freedom when her husband passed away. She felt she could travel, something he never wanted to do. She had not been limited so much by her age as by her situation.

Here's the link....
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/02/health/02case.html