Learning to be Diplomatic

My younger son is learning how to be diplomatic. We went for a haircut today and his barber is a mom (is there a term for a woman barber?) who has a son the same age and in the same school. As she was cutting his hair she started to ask about some of the other boys in that grade, one kid in particular. She wondered what he was like in school, who he hung out with, etc. Evan seemed to answer pretty honestly, although he struggled for some words. For instance, he said, "Well he doesn't seem to try that hard at his schoolwork" (meaning goofs off). Or, "I think the best word to describe his is 'distant'." (meaning has few friends).

Turns out the barber's son and this boy had become friends, but since then her son's grades had dropped. She wondered if he was a "bad influence." She went on to ask about her son, how he got along with others at school, did he have friends, and so on. I could tell Evan was trying to be nice, but honest, at the same time.

On the drive home, he said, "that was kind of an uncomfortable conversation!" I agreed that it was a little difficult, but that often parents want to hear from other kids about what goes on at school. He asked if I thought he had handled it well, I told him I did. He commented, "I was trying to be nice to both Mrs. J and to J." He thought for awhile, and then said, "I wouldn't really say it was fun, but it did make me think a lot. It was kind of tricky to know what to say and I had to concentrate. It was sort of a challenge." I would have to say that he handled it all pretty well, and is well on his way to being a diplomat, especially if he thinks that kind of thinking is fun.

Social Groups

As a sociologist I know a little about social groups, really only a little because they aren't my particular area of interest or expertise. However, it is interesting to take a minute now and then and look at social networks. There is some interesting research out of Harvard these days about the role of social networks in influencing health behaviors. Christakis got a lot of press a few years ago about the "spread of obesity" through social networks, his work on happiness wasn't quite as well-covered.

I have a few very distinct social networks. First, there is my family (both family of origin and destination...students can look those up). Second, is my network of professional peers. Of course, within that network there are people I would consider friends, some who are rivals, and some who are just "colleagues" (a polite term to call people you respect, but know only casually.) Within that group of peers, there are those who are in my field of study and those who are in my institution. We have very different relationships. One group knows me by my research interests, the other by my administrative roles.

I have a network of book readers, really two-one virtual, one face to face (f2f!). Some of those network members are also friends, others I see only once a month at book group. I even have a network of exercise companions, bound together by our shared experiences and sweat. There is surprisingly little overlap in these networks. I don't exercise with anyone from book group, nobody from my family is a professional colleague.

The variety of social groups to which you belong and their roles is an interesting thing to think about.

Shattered Idol

Most of us probably have one, an idol. Someone that we have always admired and looked up, someone we wanted to model our lives after. I'm not talking about the abstract idols, like Michelle Obama (I LOVE her arms!) or Hillary Clinton. I mean a person in our everyday life that we know pretty well---or think we know well.

Growing up there was a girl two years older than me that was my idol. She was smart, beautiful, poised, and respected. I wanted to be just like her, but I was nowhere close. I was smart and respected, maybe poised, but not close to beautiful. She was on the school debate team and was very good. I wanted to be like her. For 35 years I have held this memory of her.

Well, times change, people change, memories are faulty. I met her the other day for the first time since 1973. I don't think she remembered who I was. She is still beautiful, and I assume smart. But the image I had of a poised, confident, self-assured person didn't age well. It made me wonder, was I wrong? Was she never like that, but only appeared that way to me as someone younger? I never really knew her well, so my image was based on this perception and interpretation of what I saw. I could have been wrong. Or she might have been better at putting on a front then. Who knows? I just wonder what younger person from my past would be shocked to see me now! Who have I disappointed?

Senior Citizen Day at the airport

Has Tuesday become Senior Citizen day for the airlines? I did read somewhere that the lowest fares are on Tuesdays and Saturdays. Maybe that explains it. I have nothing against older adults, heck I am one! But on my flight home from DC on Tuesday I must have been one of the youngest people on the plane. We had three wheelchair customers, a few canes, and plenty of shaky older adults with their blue Samsonite suitcases. They all have them.

Actually, I admire older people who are still willing to fly given the difficulties they must encounter. There is some rule about wheelchairs in the terminal. An older couple was wheeled up to our gate about 5 minutes before boarding time. The attendants pulled them out of the wheelchairs and deposited them in a waiting area seat. Five minutes later the gate attendant called for 2 wheelchairs and 20 minutes later a different attendant came back, loaded them up, and helped them on the plane. Why? Is it some union thing--different attendants operate the jetway than the terminal? Is it just inefficiency? Or not enough wheelchairs? Or just a form of sadistic torture?

Little piece of sociology

I just finished reading a book, The Tenderness of Wolves, by Stef Penney. It was okay, but if you want to read about a woman trekking across the Canadien wilderness in the 1800s, I would recommend Gil Adamson's, The Outlander, instead. Much better writing.

Anyway, as a sociologist, I am always alert to these little tidbits in books. Here is a quote from The Tenderness of Wolves:

"As members of a family (and of a society as well, presumably) carve, or are pushed into, roles for themselves, and then become imprisoned by them, so Susannah became everyone’s darling." What a great description of social roles. They aren't entirely voluntary, and they can be tough to get out of once you are in them.

Pi Day

Well, another March 14th has come and gone. March 14 is celebrated as "Pi Day" (since when you write the date (3.14) you have the first digits of the number pi.) In the Meyer family, we celebrate Pi Day in high style. Pizza Pie, Cherry Pie, and square brownies, since, afterall, "pi r square."

Hey, we even have pi shirts and pi plates. This year my dad received a pi mug, too. Who said math can't be fun?

Choosing a college

What factors influence a child's decision about college? Over the summer and fall my husband and I accompanied our son on several college visits. A few places he dismissed immediately, a few he fell in love with but upon further reflection changed his mind, a few he was so-so about at first and is now gung-ho. I couldn't tell you why any of these things happened. The tour guide certainly plays a role, but guides I liked he may not have and the opposite. Now we are waiting, and waiting, for the acceptances to arrive. He has received a few, and I think was relieved to get the first one under his belt. The places he is currently most interested in attending are the ones he has yet to hear from, of course.

I visited only one college and applied to only one (a different one from the one I visited.) I had absolutely no idea about the process, what to look for, what to consider. In the end I applied to the state university that my father had attended and my sister was currently attending. I had no idea what I wanted to major in and figured a large school would give me plenty of options. Good thing, since I changed my major a few times! I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had attended a different kind of school. Would it have mattered? I feel like I received an adequate education, but I certainly was not, for the most part, challenged by my courses. I could have done more.

Stay tuned to see where young son #1 ends up.....