Next time

We are lucky to have three different Moth events each month (themoth.org) in the Chicago area.  The Moth is a NYC based program of personal storytelling that grew into a public radio show and podcast.  Moth events emphasize "true stories told live and without notes."  Events, called storyslams, are open mic, anyone can come to the stage and tell a story.  However, since time is limited, if you want to tell a story you put your name "in the hat" and 10 people are randomly chosen to tell their stories.  You may or may not get called.  The audiences vary by venue, but are usually a couple of hundred people, mostly white, upper class, and over age 30.  A standard public radio crowd.

Having taken a few memoir writing classes, I was looking for something different to do.  I noticed a storytelling workshop being offered and signed up.  In the class we developed stories each week around a theme and then spent a few weeks polishing one story to perform at the student showcase.  But, our instructor also encouraged us to attend other events and tell stories.  I took her up on the challenge and went to my first Moth event, put my name in the hat, and was called.

I was terrified.  My story was okay, not great, but average for the night. It felt good to push myself, but also, I won't lie, to hear applause!  Here's a link to that first story...
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wzlc7ITvm9k&t=17s

Afterwards, I was talking to my instructor and mentioned that one of the hardest moments was walking onto the stage and having the bright lights shine directly in my eyes. I was blinded and unable to see any faces in the crowd. I told her, "I wasn't prepared for that."  Her reply was perfect, "But, next time you won't be surprised."

Next time--her assumption that there will be a next time, that I will do this again, but also, the matter- of-fact acceptance that some things may come as surprises, but you learn from those experiences and are ready for them when they happen again. There is no shame in not being prepared for everything, no harm in not knowing exactly what will happen.  Now you know more than you did before.

Many times in the year since that first storytelling I've thought back to that statement...next time you won't be surprised.  It is a reassurance that I can still learn something new and that learning sometimes is a bit scary and requires some mistake making along the way. But each of those experiences prepares me for another "next time."